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Letter from: Thomas D. Sevy
Re: Gay Mormon hoped suicide would help change church
Dear Editor:
Gay Mormon Suicide
This article states that the Gay Mormon Man realized that he was gay
when he was seven years old. This statement in his letter illustrates
that he was very troubled at least from age seven. But, no seven year
old has any accurate indication of being gay or straight. To
illustrate this, let me tell you about a social work conference that
focused on Homosexuality and ethical issues of providing
therapy/counseling to help people change their sexual orientation.
Part of the conference included a panel of three gay mental health
professionals and three straight mental health professionals. A
straight social worker, who is a school counselor, asked the panel to
provide advice on the following real situation. A 15 year old boy
came to the counselor and said that he wondered if he is gay. He
wondered if he should seek a sexual experience to test whether he is
gay or not. One of the gay therapists responded that the boy should
be counseled to develop social skills with both genders, and that this
is not the age to be making decisions about sexual orientation.
I was very pleased to hear such an objective and wise suggestion. I
believe that this illustrates that the subject of your report may have
been driven to suicide by far more than what he perceived as his
church's attitude toward homosexuality.
Let me share one other story that may also be relevant. My first job
as a clinical social worker was in a psychiatric hospital. Given that
I obtained my degree in the 1960s when homosexuality wasn't widely
discussed, I didn't have much experience or knowledge in this area. I
began working with an 18 year old man who was diagnosed (as best I can
recall) as alcoholic and homosexual. [I point out that a diagnosis of
homosexual was not prohibited by the American Psychiatric Association
at that time.] My standard approach was to learn about a patient's
background and to identify the specific issues that led to the
diagnoses. I asked him to help me understand his homosexuality. The
following are the reasons he gave for describing himself as a
homosexual: he felt uncomfortable around females of his age; he had
never dated, although he wanted to; he felt that females weren't
attracted to him; he was more comfortable with males; in junior high
gym class in the locker room, he looked at other's genitals. In
response to my questions I learned the following: he had never
touched a males genitals; he found some satisfaction looking at photos
of nude females, but felt uncomfortable looking at photos of nude
males; he had never engaged in any type of sexual behavior with a male
or female; he had no desire to engage in a homosexual relationship; he
did have a desire for a girl friend. My conclusion was that he had an
unhappy adolescence and that he had concluded that the absence of a
heterosexual relationship, and his discomfort around females meant
that he must be homosexual. It would be clear to almost anyone who
knows anything about behavior that there was nothing in his background
or behavior that indicated he was homosexual.
I could describe another example of 'self proclaimed homosexuality'
coming from inappropriate assumptions and/or from misdirected
emotions, but this is already too long.
Tom Sevy, MSW, LCSW
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